I am the chaos and you are the cosmos
Monday, January 25, 2010
KNOKK -
I'm so in love with the knokk watches!
knokk.se
they're Swedishhhhhhh |
I've been contemplating for so long whether I should get one cus it's very common everywhere now. But it's too tempting! I got the tomato red(: Though it may not be Swedish but IDC i'm lovin' it. :D
Gonna catch It's Complicated later! I'm still looking for someone to catch The Blind Side with me. DON'T HIDE YOUR FACE LOUISA. DON'T RUN AWAY HOLLERS. I'm marking your attendance.
I miss my 09A06!!! They're sooooo sweet, they compiled a nice folder filled with encouraging words (':
Don't worry guys I'm very happy and I'll focus this year! To give all of myself, to have the confidence that I, CAN ok i can imagine Shal's face right now.
Gotta shower and get cracking on my assignments!(: Ciao |
I'm so in love with the knokk watches! knokk.se
they're Swedishhhhhhh |
I've been contemplating for so long whether I should get one cus it's very common everywhere now. But it's too tempting! I got the tomato red(: Though it may not be Swedish but IDC i'm lovin' it. :D
Gonna catch It's Complicated later! I'm still looking for someone to catch The Blind Side with me. DON'T HIDE YOUR FACE LOUISA. DON'T RUN AWAY HOLLERS. I'm marking your attendance.
I miss my 09A06!!! They're sooooo sweet, they compiled a nice folder filled with encouraging words (':
Don't worry guys I'm very happy and I'll focus this year! To give all of myself, to have the confidence that I, CAN ok i can imagine Shal's face right now.
Gotta shower and get cracking on my assignments!(: Ciao |
240110
When there are more reasons to leave, will you fight to stay?
Why is it that all my favourite songs are the ones which remind me of you? Yet I refrain from listening to them because they suck me into another realm of emotions; just when I thought you numbed me. Why did you have to be so perfect, even in your flaws? Now it's so difficult to find anyone else who could possibly top that. Because anything or anyone else comes in second best. You did it so subtly, so beautifully, so painfully; killing me that is. But then again the life you took away was the same one you gave me. Even with what I have left of you, every relationship begins and ends with you: Because you are ingrained in me. I did the stupidest things when we were together, things that people do when they don't bother about the world. I was willing to do or exchange anything for the bittersweet relationship we used to share. It was different, it was special. It was the state of bliss you'd think you're dreaming. Till today it was the worst time of my life; the emptiest I've ever felt. But with what you have taught me, I realised that summer has to go before fall can arrive. We can't always think that the first spark was the one and only we'd ever feel. Your voice was my guiding light; you were my guardian, my best friend. When I was lost and was a nobody, you believed in me. You guided me to stand up, to take a new direction; to take chances, and your prayers were enough to be my saving grace. But now that the fire has been extinguished, all that is left are ashes of reminders and benchmarks. You have showed me how it's done, is it my turn now?
When there are more reasons to leave, will you fight to stay?
Why is it that all my favourite songs are the ones which remind me of you? Yet I refrain from listening to them because they suck me into another realm of emotions; just when I thought you numbed me. Why did you have to be so perfect, even in your flaws? Now it's so difficult to find anyone else who could possibly top that. Because anything or anyone else comes in second best. You did it so subtly, so beautifully, so painfully; killing me that is. But then again the life you took away was the same one you gave me. Even with what I have left of you, every relationship begins and ends with you: Because you are ingrained in me. I did the stupidest things when we were together, things that people do when they don't bother about the world. I was willing to do or exchange anything for the bittersweet relationship we used to share. It was different, it was special. It was the state of bliss you'd think you're dreaming. Till today it was the worst time of my life; the emptiest I've ever felt. But with what you have taught me, I realised that summer has to go before fall can arrive. We can't always think that the first spark was the one and only we'd ever feel. Your voice was my guiding light; you were my guardian, my best friend. When I was lost and was a nobody, you believed in me. You guided me to stand up, to take a new direction; to take chances, and your prayers were enough to be my saving grace. But now that the fire has been extinguished, all that is left are ashes of reminders and benchmarks. You have showed me how it's done, is it my turn now?
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
"tonight i must turn in at 10:30pm!"
time check: 11pm. When will i ever learn to fear myself and my self imposed rules.
I had a blast with the bimbs at Henderson Wave today(: (or issit waves?) Vada Lim is absolutely nuts and I love her. Gucci, Prada and HangTen you're not forgotten! hahahha. The whole trip was damn hilarious on its own cus we literally zoomed there, zoomed through and then zoomed back. No time to appreciate anything. We merely had a few swiss butter crumbs, did some cheesy westlife mooves, freaked at the see-through metal grills beneath our feet which scared the hell out of Esther when I told her to focus on the freakishly far down canopy and then got to the end of the iron bridge. R&R at Hortpark lasted for a funny 5 seconds, we managed to satisfy Nikki's camwhore desires and laugh at 'polo house boy who was hell curious at what we were doing and turned away, embarrassed when vada and nic caught him looking.' hahahah
Headed to bugis with nicholas and louisa after school. Met up with an angry person for awhile. After which nic went to get his much desired 'lunchbox-looking bag' rmb to pick the sticker out n! I miss you terribly louisa try not to have withdrawal symptoms of me! ): We'll go dipping next week!!! ;) I wanna borrow your heart shaped leggings!
these past few weeks have taken quite a toll on me. another phase, another whirlpool of emotions, another box of surprises; i'm thinking i'm in a love-hate relationship with this. Have you ever been in a state in which it keeps you on your toes for what is to come, which at the same time pulls you in away from the things you might hurt yourself with? Please don't say I'm in my own world again and that you don't understand what i'm saying): Well i am, but i think it's quite understandable! BBSS class camp as promised, i'm gonna surprise josh tmr teehee!!
i was just wondering how ppl know how long they should hug anybody for.. hmm.
oh no time check 11:16pm ):
time check: 11pm. When will i ever learn to fear myself and my self imposed rules.
I had a blast with the bimbs at Henderson Wave today(: (or issit waves?) Vada Lim is absolutely nuts and I love her. Gucci, Prada and HangTen you're not forgotten! hahahha. The whole trip was damn hilarious on its own cus we literally zoomed there, zoomed through and then zoomed back. No time to appreciate anything. We merely had a few swiss butter crumbs, did some cheesy westlife mooves, freaked at the see-through metal grills beneath our feet which scared the hell out of Esther when I told her to focus on the freakishly far down canopy and then got to the end of the iron bridge. R&R at Hortpark lasted for a funny 5 seconds, we managed to satisfy Nikki's camwhore desires and laugh at 'polo house boy who was hell curious at what we were doing and turned away, embarrassed when vada and nic caught him looking.' hahahah
Headed to bugis with nicholas and louisa after school. Met up with an angry person for awhile. After which nic went to get his much desired 'lunchbox-looking bag' rmb to pick the sticker out n! I miss you terribly louisa try not to have withdrawal symptoms of me! ): We'll go dipping next week!!! ;) I wanna borrow your heart shaped leggings!
these past few weeks have taken quite a toll on me. another phase, another whirlpool of emotions, another box of surprises; i'm thinking i'm in a love-hate relationship with this. Have you ever been in a state in which it keeps you on your toes for what is to come, which at the same time pulls you in away from the things you might hurt yourself with? Please don't say I'm in my own world again and that you don't understand what i'm saying): Well i am, but i think it's quite understandable! BBSS class camp as promised, i'm gonna surprise josh tmr teehee!!
i was just wondering how ppl know how long they should hug anybody for.. hmm.
oh no time check 11:16pm ):
Monday, January 18, 2010
UPDATE
Ystd was the 2nd 21st birthday party i've attended in my life and it was none other than the beloved Carolyn Choo's. Let's not talk about the 1st one alright cus i was 12 and it was my cousin brother's 21st at SAFRA. The "Academy Awards" went pretty well i 'd say, the invitees were really sporting! Male lady gaga, zombie nurse, RIZ LOW all :D The pictures aren't all up yet I'll post some of them here when they're up on fb! Sooooooooo many things happened which can never be re-enacted into words or pictures as they won't do them justice. High ten to the fellow sober people! We were walking around the house like idiots but at least we were clear headed hahaha I won't forget all your hanky panky behind the blue drapes, the vomit stench from cleaning up some ppl's vomit (with beehoon bits), the most hilarious dance mooooves - golf, bowling, morning PT, sweep the floor, clean the windows etc.. - and all the dramarama on the red carpet. |
School is going really well and I love all the wonderful people God has placed around me in my life. I wish I could name them one by one but it's too difficult. This year I just wanna focus and be a good student (that includes the curbing of my stubborn latecoming habit) and attain pristine grades and bring joy and love to my world | xxx
-min- HAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAH
Ystd was the 2nd 21st birthday party i've attended in my life and it was none other than the beloved Carolyn Choo's. Let's not talk about the 1st one alright cus i was 12 and it was my cousin brother's 21st at SAFRA. The "Academy Awards" went pretty well i 'd say, the invitees were really sporting! Male lady gaga, zombie nurse, RIZ LOW all :D The pictures aren't all up yet I'll post some of them here when they're up on fb! Sooooooooo many things happened which can never be re-enacted into words or pictures as they won't do them justice. High ten to the fellow sober people! We were walking around the house like idiots but at least we were clear headed hahaha I won't forget all your hanky panky behind the blue drapes, the vomit stench from cleaning up some ppl's vomit (with beehoon bits), the most hilarious dance mooooves - golf, bowling, morning PT, sweep the floor, clean the windows etc.. - and all the dramarama on the red carpet. |
School is going really well and I love all the wonderful people God has placed around me in my life. I wish I could name them one by one but it's too difficult. This year I just wanna focus and be a good student (that includes the curbing of my stubborn latecoming habit) and attain pristine grades and bring joy and love to my world | xxx
-min- HAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAH
Saturday, January 9, 2010
PROJECT PRIVILEGED
above are some of my favourite pictures from PP. love you all who turned up and superlove to anyone who moved to the music. (sorry Caro!! Can't wait for your 21st partayyeee)
i'm less than 3 hrs away from waking up but I really wanna update this space. ): Tmr's gonna be another fun tiring day but i'm looking forward to it(: bestie fredster better wakey wakey to 6am wake up call (!!) no more snoozies for me too): parents aren't gonna be too happy to hear that i'm gonna be away from home for another 2 days not long after OGL camp. (and that I spent 10 bucks on fried rice today)So i'm not gonna stay over at Christ Church Sec.
Speaking of which I had a great time with Sanders| Fredster| and Rach| at XinWang HK cafe today(: We actually travelled pretty far for that plate of expensive hawker food. Should have gone to Fareast's 2nd level! But nevertheless the corner was once again our stage. Go figure.
I received some really nice emails which brightened my day yesterday(: One was a casting call (audition) for a role on Ch 5 and another was an email from one of the Sparta attachees and another was a blog commendation. But i think my life now's bright enough.
OGL camp entirely changed my perception of PJC. My clan mates are sooooo lovely and i love unpredictable surprises. I pray for an awesome - ohwowliketotallyfreakmeoutimeanrighton JC life ahead. Gonna walk along the rules (not on them) and be a good girl! One bad thing I've gotten out of PJ last year was a major fear of judgement. Being judged soooo quickly and easily can break me like nothing else cus nothing kills me more than the disability to attain a chance to show them who you really are. When I had to sing Love Story for the finale performance, what I was worried about wasn't about my croaky voice or whether I'm gonna squeak somewhere in the midst of it. It was that all my other clanmates weren't doing it with me and I wanted each and everyone of them to get their chance to show themselves.(they're very shy!) I was afraid to be judged as selfish or what. But they were so encouraging and non judgemental and I wish they knew that I would anytime, delightfully give up that spot to anyone who wanted to do it.
p.s. i'm no longer brace face(((((: call me that and i'll happily flash my exposed, pearly horsey teeth at ya!
All along he knew who I was, it was just the fact that he didn't wanna believe it.
Sometimes things change when you verbalise it. Even though all these while we've been thinking it to ourselves. But is there such a thing as good change?
above are some of my favourite pictures from PP. love you all who turned up and superlove to anyone who moved to the music. (sorry Caro!! Can't wait for your 21st partayyeee)i'm less than 3 hrs away from waking up but I really wanna update this space. ): Tmr's gonna be another fun tiring day but i'm looking forward to it(: bestie fredster better wakey wakey to 6am wake up call (!!) no more snoozies for me too): parents aren't gonna be too happy to hear that i'm gonna be away from home for another 2 days not long after OGL camp. (and that I spent 10 bucks on fried rice today)So i'm not gonna stay over at Christ Church Sec.
Speaking of which I had a great time with Sanders| Fredster| and Rach| at XinWang HK cafe today(: We actually travelled pretty far for that plate of expensive hawker food. Should have gone to Fareast's 2nd level! But nevertheless the corner was once again our stage. Go figure.
I received some really nice emails which brightened my day yesterday(: One was a casting call (audition) for a role on Ch 5 and another was an email from one of the Sparta attachees and another was a blog commendation. But i think my life now's bright enough.
OGL camp entirely changed my perception of PJC. My clan mates are sooooo lovely and i love unpredictable surprises. I pray for an awesome - ohwowliketotallyfreakmeoutimeanrighton JC life ahead. Gonna walk along the rules (not on them) and be a good girl! One bad thing I've gotten out of PJ last year was a major fear of judgement. Being judged soooo quickly and easily can break me like nothing else cus nothing kills me more than the disability to attain a chance to show them who you really are. When I had to sing Love Story for the finale performance, what I was worried about wasn't about my croaky voice or whether I'm gonna squeak somewhere in the midst of it. It was that all my other clanmates weren't doing it with me and I wanted each and everyone of them to get their chance to show themselves.(they're very shy!) I was afraid to be judged as selfish or what. But they were so encouraging and non judgemental and I wish they knew that I would anytime, delightfully give up that spot to anyone who wanted to do it.
p.s. i'm no longer brace face(((((: call me that and i'll happily flash my exposed, pearly horsey teeth at ya!
All along he knew who I was, it was just the fact that he didn't wanna believe it.
Sometimes things change when you verbalise it. Even though all these while we've been thinking it to ourselves. But is there such a thing as good change?
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
TABOO
Yes that was our x'mas taboo. = made me laugh till i coughed my lungs out + I got elbowed on the head by hollers + screaming on the bed like crazy monkeys etc.
i'll be off to camp so i'll not be updating this space for a week or so. I think dash will be very happy. Well happy is a word splayed all around my face now. In fact happy's understated. I feel soooooo blessed (': Today was one loooong day, tuition in the morning, then went to meet Hollers | to go to IMM to meet Best friend Fredz and then HT-HT-HT + lunch and then off to Somerset to find Rachel and we had the yummiest Marvelous Cream @ 313. MUST TRY. Booya will LOVE it. i can feel you crawling now, chocolate. After that we had really good fish at this fish place in clarke quay and Fredz came back from Ballet class. :P And they all sent sunshine princess home (Y)
I'm gonna start packing tmr i praaaay I don't oversleep goodnight world toodles(:
Yes that was our x'mas taboo. = made me laugh till i coughed my lungs out + I got elbowed on the head by hollers + screaming on the bed like crazy monkeys etc.
i'll be off to camp so i'll not be updating this space for a week or so. I think dash will be very happy. Well happy is a word splayed all around my face now. In fact happy's understated. I feel soooooo blessed (': Today was one loooong day, tuition in the morning, then went to meet Hollers | to go to IMM to meet Best friend Fredz and then HT-HT-HT + lunch and then off to Somerset to find Rachel and we had the yummiest Marvelous Cream @ 313. MUST TRY. Booya will LOVE it. i can feel you crawling now, chocolate. After that we had really good fish at this fish place in clarke quay and Fredz came back from Ballet class. :P And they all sent sunshine princess home (Y)
I'm gonna start packing tmr i praaaay I don't oversleep goodnight world toodles(:
Friday, January 1, 2010
Starting anew has always been smth i struggled with all my life. Be it for my essays, be it for blog posts, be it for ice-breaking, be it for new years. The beginning is one of the toughest things to get past. I guess it's because we're afraid of what's to come, and what's alrdy gone and not reclaimable. We're afraid of making mistakes and flaw-ing this fresh new piece of paper. We're afraid of the pain we have to go through to get it filled. Because we are selfish people. It is when we learn to let go of what we've been stubbornly clinging on to that we can find someone else, something else. Because most of the times it's not that we can't, it's that we don't want to.
The memories they etch in me like rusty hooks clinging onto my heart. Attempts to swallow the bitterness down my throat to make it all go away only fail and make me sink in deeper. Some people runaway for a getaway. Some people hide amidst, trying to blend in. Some people mend other people's brokeness in place of their own. Others take on the weight on their shoulders. As for me, I've done all of the above but these stubborn hooks wouldn't leave me alone. Then i realise that what i've been trying to rid myself of the whole time was me. It was a part of me which I loved so deeply, and the same part which I absolutely hated. And I never realised how much of myself have been carved away after all these years.
From time to time every bliss that falls into my life would be taken into comparison with the state of bliss I used to be endowed with. And yes, they would all be second best. But now it seems that a new phase is pulling me into its vacuum, beginning to unveil its promises to my perforated heart, beginning to look more like the first chapter of a story, no longer another follow up story of my old book. This is not a love story.
You've got this new head filled up with smoke. I've got my veins all tangled. But I've got this gut feeling that everything feels right. It has been so long since I neglected the judgements of the world; so long since I let myself go without fear of judgement. There is so much the world doesn't understand. The world which comprises of stalkers who try to put me down, of critics who only see one side of my world, of shallow minds with only space in store for worldy materialism. To this big bad world: give up already, I've got God, my family, and my friends on my side, you're fighting a losing battle.
Through these months I've learnt soooooooooo much. Through the isolation, through finding the light in the dark, through giving all of myself, through the tongue lashings I receive from Kavita Pandey to not give in to evil, through the love that I have received, though the pain i've endured, I have definitely grown alot in 2009 and even though i don't remember the resolutions i made for the past year, I've got a feeling I exceeded expectations.
From where I'm standing right now the world looks so beautiful and I wish I could share it with everyone I love. Mock me, laugh at me, for being in my own world my own bubble but you know what, I love it in here and I have never felt more blessed and fortunate. This new year ahead, Lord Father may you guide me with the angels around me as I follow you into the dark or wherever you go. I want to help you carry out your plans and impact as many lives as I can. Forgive me for all the materialism, bad thoughts, wrongdoings, disobedience, idleness, greed, selfishness I harboured and help me learn to do so to others too. For I know that everything horrible that I'm going through, you've been through it. The humiliation, the mockery, the disdain looks of the world who doesn't understand. I will continue to hope and pray that someday these people will realise how minor and incessant their fight is and see the big lovely picture. As for me and my brokeness I lay here in full faith that you'll heal me in time. Catch me as I fall, because I trust in you.
Love you my world. Free hugs to all who donated joy into my bubble! Hello 2010, here I come(:
xoxo
FUN TIMES
December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 September 2011
HOOK-A-GEEK PARADE
JOY BUTTON
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